Coloring Outside of the Lines

Original Text: This was taken from an Englush 351 short story.

As the sun hung high above, a formidable figure entered the forest, immediately opposed by a labyrinthine tangle of vine maple. Gerry carefully lifted a sagging maple stalk and dipped down underneath, stepping gingerly over another. Though the forest teemed with life, today all was still as though frozen in time; nothing ever changed here. Animals come into this world, live a while, and die. Seedlings sprout, blossom into towering firs, and someday tumble down again, yet nothing really changes. The forest runs on a different clock than the hoards of caffeine-crazed businessmen in their twelfth-story cubicles. Onward through the underbrush, he crept along as seamlessly as a cat stalking his prey. Each footstep ran a risk of disturbance, so he tediously ensured that no step fell out of place. The tattered litter of leaves, bark, and splintered twigs on the mossy forest floor had seen two months of autumn showers and were worn to a deep homogenous mulch. This usually facilitated silent, stealthy maneuvers through the trees, but the forest’s lavish shag carpet had become crunchy from a week of bitterly dry weather.

Below, the same text was modified to add "brush strokes" of writing, including absolutes, appositives, participles, and adjectives out of order. Specifics of each example, in brackets, follow the bold text.

As the sun hung high above, smiling wearily upon the faded landscape [Participle], a formidable figure entered the forest and was immediately opposed by a labyrinthine tangle of vine maple. Gerry, a stealthy predator, [appositive] carefully lifted a sagging maple stalk and dipped down underneath, stepping gingerly over another. Though the forest, a bustling biome, [appositive] teemed with life, today all was still as though frozen in time; nothing ever changed here. Animals come into this world, live a while, and die. Seedlings sprout, blossom into towering firs, and someday tumble down again, yet nothing really changes. The forest, timeless and unregulated, [adjectives out of order] runs on a different clock than the hoards of caffeine-crazed businessmen in their twelfth-story cubicles. Onward through the underbrush, he crept along as seamlessly as a cat stalking his prey. Each footstep ran a risk of disturbance. Palms sweating, pulse pounding, [absolutes] he tediously ensured that no step fell out of place. The tattered litter of leaves, bark, and splintered twigs on the mossy forest floor had seen two months of autumn showers and were worn to a deep homogenous mulch. This usually facilitated silent, stealthy maneuvers through the trees, but the forest’s lavish shag carpet had become crunchy from a week of bitterly dry weather.